Killing me

I feel like I'm slowly dying... He's killing me. He put a lock on his cell phone-told me he changed his email password (when I didn't even know the other p word or care to check). All this distrust and hiding things...makes me feel like a piece of shit. I can't trust him at all. Apparently he thinks I'm a horrible person when he is the one that has been emailing girls and signing up to all these sites behind my back. I hate that I can't trust him at all. I never really trust anyone but out of everyone he was the one I trusted almost completely. Now he is doing all this crazy stuff and ignoring me and I talk more to his back or profile. Last night he said his password was too easy to figure out and this morning he says he forgot it so he changed it. I said whatever last night you basically lead me to believe you didn't trust me and today your singing a different tune. He then said he doesn't have a password on his phone and then I said yes and then he said he does sometimes and doesn't. What the hell kind of sense does that make? He's a f'ing idiot and I am ready to move. He comes in here this morning all dancing and being stupid and totally ignoring my questions or answering me. I seriously hate him now and that hurts because he is the one person I wanted to be able to be friends with. Once you lose someone's trust-esp mine...I can't go back to believing and trusting again. He's kind of dead to me and he'll be a surface friend and that hurts. I wish so much I could move...but I just don't how I will financially be able to do this...I'm about to find out and find out how strong I really am. I am also going to have to do a serious downgrade and live in a place I don't want to or feel really safe...so I guess sleeping will be even harder for me. This shit sucks...my life sucks...I prayed so hard as a little girl...I remember in high school praying so hard everyday...this is not the life I prayed for. I feel I wasted so much time doing that and thinking that I would have a chance at the good 'normal' life.