Put on the fake smile

Today has already started out hard...I wake up everyday thinking I'm going to be fine...I am not going to be snippy with the soon to be x. But then I find out stuff. I found out he has met her for drinks-which still I find funny considering we never went out for drinks! Also the place they went is funny to me considering when he and I went he thought it was overrated. Anyway I gave him a chance to be open with me and tell me they met there...but he swore on me and our child they haven't met. I must of given him 5-6 dif times to come clean. Finally I just told him...I know..he clams up. I ask why he lied and naturally I get the silent treatment. I said you know I'm trying and we said we would be open but I can't believe anything you say now. I just can't believe that he lies sooo much and now I seriously don't know when to believe him. It's pissing me off. We are trying to be civil and stay friends and stay in this house until we sell it but lately I just want to say F U and leave him high and dry for all his stupid lies and behavior. I'm trying to be a good person and stay friendly but this stuff is killing me. I hate that I let this eat at me...ESP since we are separated technically. I'll never be happy with anyone he's talking to I feel. A friend said maybe I need someone to talk to a guy and date around but I don't feel right dating...I mean I don't really have time and I'm a mom first and I really don't feel like any guy would want me anyways. I don't feel like dealing with stupid men and drama and having to fix myself up and all that stuff. Today is Easter...we are getting ready to go to 2 family events. One event: 2 cousins are getting married in 2 weeks and my sister is newly engaged...so lots of happy talk about marriage and love-inside I'll be bitter-dying and sad. My family doesn't know about this and I don't plan to tell them until I have a new place to go. I'm a planner-heck at this point I might not even tell them until I'm in my new place. I dread today-the almost 2 hour drive to and from with a man I am growing to hate even more every day. I just don't know how I going to be able to do this...I want to lie in bed and hide away but I couldn't even if I wanted. I have to keep going for baby girl. But inside...I'm seriously drowning and upset and I'm slipping away. I don't even like who I am. I pray constantly for contentment and peace and yes...love in the future.