Frustration

I am so frustrated. So many things going on and so much stress. A lot on my mind and it's really wearing me thin. I went to two family reunions Sat. I just feel so dumb and ugly and inadequate at those. I'm the big girl. When I'm standing by someone...I feel like I'm so much bigger and I just focus and think about my flaws my scars on my face..my body everything. I met a guy...he's a lawyer and I've gone out with him a few times now. I went to his place and we watched a movie and stuff...I like him...he's really good looking. I'm sure it will fizzle now that I've open myself up to date. I hate men now. They just want to use you to get a piece. I wanted to look good...I went and got eyelash extensions. I told them to just do a few to see if I was allergic to the extra sensitive glue...turns out I am...my eyes itch and swelled up. I've been taking Benadryl and putting itching cream on it. No one notices but me. I hope the swelling goes down. I also sadly hope that I get another date with the lawyer but you know how you have that gut feeling??? I have it...our date went good...we moved fast. I don't know I'm so stupid. I don't know why it's so hard to just be happy. I mean I want the simple life...a man I'm crazy about and one who's crazy about me and J...makes good money and makes me happy and gets along with my family. I'm sure I'll be updating this week about how we didn't work out. :( I should just give up and face the fact that I'm never gonna be happy and my life is always going to be a struggle. I have another huge huge huge worry that I'm losing sleep over and tomorrow is the result day kind of...I mean I get half tomorrow but then the next process starts and I still have to wait. This is it for me...I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I'm so low and close to losing what little I do have. And friends and family...I have no one I can fully talk to or trust. I try to tell my family about my stress and they don't listen or they act like its not a big deal or make it about them. I had a best friend a few of them for years like close to 20 and where are they? I went back home this weekend for the reunions and she couldn't e en come see me. Said I should come see here hen she knew I had one day-two reunions and still a almost two he drive home. She grew upcoming to both of these a d tried to use the excuse she didn't feel right. What the F ever I guess I'll just be done. I'm tired of always being the one to contact everyone. :( I'm falling apart and I really need a change and something good to happen.