Random

So tonight the little one had dance. We then went to Chick Fil A...she likes the playground better then the food I think but whatever...it beats McDonald's! She sang and danced and had the whole restaurants attention! It was pretty impressive. She was telling stories and singing songs about God. Then she talked about how she loves the Mav's-Rangers and Bombers! She even did the cheers! People were eating it up. She's a natural in public and people flock to her. She's got a bright future and it involves her public speaking! I believe that God put her with us to help get her to that point. My sweet strong-willed stubborn girl. So I have realized that the ex is officially over me...really I think his pride is getting in the way of crawling back...so I have to just let go as hard as this is...A guy asked me out. Wow I've never really been on a date. I'm nervous. I hope we mesh well. I just feel so fat and ugly and not mentally where I would like to be. Maybe this getting out and getting attention will help bring me out of the slump. I feel guilty...but he didn't when he left me and made out with the girl ..and he didn't when they texted 24-7....so I need to just get over it...we have our good days and bad. I don't want to lose him and I want us to be those people where others say...I don't know how they do it but they are good friends and Baby can grow up with us close and civil...Now I have had a few thoughts where I have thought maybe I should just beg and plead and make it work...but that wouldn't be fair...neither of us are happy. Plus I asked him to work on it and do counseling. He said no...but I swear...every time I think to myself, I should try...maybe it's me...I'm just a crappy person incapable of love and being happy..bam like a sign from God...like lightening...the mood will change and he'll get all pissy with the baby and it snaps me back. I struggle because I know divorce is wrong and dating is wrong now...I've never felt 'comfortable and content'. I truly would like to still believe that God will answer my prayers and help me find peace and contentment. I prayed so so hard...I still pray for that...I am holding on to the faith that he will allow me to be where I feel like I belong.